My faith beliefs

I haven't written in this blog for quite some time and I feel bad for that.  I dedicated myself to writing down my thoughts and beliefs on the paranormal and somehow I lost the motivation.  Nothing substantial has inspired me and without being an active part of the paranormal community, my thoughts have turned to more earthly conundrums.

To find inspiration, I turned to my first blog entry about my life history and why I wanted to write a blog in the first place.  And it worked!  One line about my faith beliefs helped remind me that this would be a great aspect of my life to talk about.

For most of my life, I've accepted the story of Jesus and a divine creator, God.  Not to say that I am totally abandoning this idea because, in my mind, a belief system is simply something that helps you find answers and comfort and the truth is: no one really knows the right answer.  Who am I to say He doesn't truly exist?

Until very recently, I've prayed to God and Jesus because I thought that is what I was supposed to do; that was how it worked.  But secretly I believed that I should in fact be praying to my guardian angels, my loved ones who have passed.  I've always believed that my paternal grandmother was my guardian angel, so why not ask her for help when I needed it? If she was looking out for me, she seems the logical person to turn to, just as I would if she were still alive.  I've opened up that belief to include all relatives and friends I have lost over the years in hopes that they are all somehow working together to watch over me.  I still rely heavily on my grandma, almost making her my grand master angel, my God if you will.

I know that my beliefs may be unique but since my readers have some belief in the existence of spirits, it may not be so crazy after all!  I feel I can say with confidence that most people have experienced some kind of miracle in their life.  Something that stands out as paranormal (unexplained).  For me, there have been more than a few instances where I realize how lucky I was, that I probably should have suffered some kind of consequence for my actions.  And I thank my angels for assuring that not only did I not suffer but also for giving me the power to see how grateful I should be.  I can be a very naive person at times but most of the time I know there are powers at work keeping me on this earth.  The question is: why?  But that is a whole other blog post.

One miracle that comes to mind is a story from high school.  It is not a story of being saved by an unseen hand or even turning water into wine but simply of love and saying thank you.  My junior year, I was in a modern history class taught by a quirky teacher.  I was not really into modern history lessons but this teacher made it fun and interesting.  All of us in the small class formed a bond and I usually looked forward to this class more than others. Unfortunately, that summer, the teacher who taught the class passed away suddenly. His death really hit me hard and I was one of the very few students who attended his memorial service and visited his grave site. I even spoke at a service held at school that fall, which at the time was very nerve-wrecking to me as I didn't exactly speak in front of large crowds (let alone a gymnasium filled with my peers) very often.  But I did all of that because I cared about him and missed his quirky, crazy ways.  I can't explain the sudden wave of despair that hit me the first time I walked past his classroom that fall, it just tore me apart.

It took months for his grave site to finally have a gravestone to mark his presence.  The instant I heard it had been placed, I took the 2-hour car ride up to see it.  There, at his grave site was one single, white flower growing out of the ground. I can't explain why it was there, there were no other flowers nearby and it truly seemed out of place. I felt deep in my heart that it was there just for me.  A sign from Mr. Sydney that he knew I was there and the flower was a gift to show his appreciation.  Obviously I cannot prove this theory, it is just a part of my belief system, that someone from beyond could communicate.  I said thank you and took the flower with me as my reminder.  I haven't been back since because I felt closure of his loss that day.  I felt he was in a good place.

This story is one example of why I strongly believe that something happens to us when we die.  I believe we are relieved of all negative feelings such as anger, greed, resentment, etc and are left with postivie feelings and memories.  I believe that we can somehow interact with the living as we choose.  How this all works I have no idea but am satisfied with not needing to know.  I'm not confident that there is one being, such as God, that manages all of this but it is just how it works.  Same with the universe and all that is within; it all just happens and it is for a logical reason that we are not meant to understand but simply appreciate.  Sometimes life sucks and seems unfair but it all works in a certain matter for unknown reasons.  Some people seem to have it all while others keep hitting walls of unfairness and I don't know why but, again, I don't believe it is some being deciding who gets the good stuff and when. 

So if all the good stuff stays with us, what happens to the negative energy left behind?  In my theory, this might explain the negative entities encountered by paranoraml researchers.  It seems that malevolent forces are not of human origin and may be a collection of negative energies associated with the "devil."  What I can't explain is the Latin names that supposed possesed humans have provided.  If anyone has any insight or thoughts on this, I'd love to hear it! 

Thank you for taking the time to hear my viewpoints.  Its hard to talk about this stuff and its not like there is a church to belong to when you don't follow an organized religion.  I'm happy to have this outlet for writing down my thoughts!